I miss you as a baby. I miss the way our entire world seemed to be open ahead of us, and the honor and responsibility I felt to be the one who would help shape you into who you would become. Our family was just beginning, and you had opened up a whole new world to me. I miss the softness of your skin, and having your little body so close to mine as I nursed you or fed you a bottle. I miss watching your eyelashes flutter and close as I rocked you and read you bedtime stories, and the weight of your body as you fell asleep in my arms.…]
We are seated closely on a old, rickety school bus while large, gregarious and intoxicated men line the aisle next to me, shouting to each other and blocking my view of the door. We are new to each other, so I frantically contemplate in my mind if I should open myself up to you right… Continue reading Safe with You
Envision any female-centered post divorce plot and you'll likely see some variation of the following: ACT I: Woman sets out to forget all her worries; letting loose by getting out on the town, sleeping with simple, beautiful, younger men, drinking and having the most frivolous time of their life. In an attempt to fill the void, she desperately clings on to… Continue reading Jump Grow Love
Over drinks with a friend who happens to be going through the same situation as I the other night, the conversation naturally centered around what we are both reluctantly trudging through; Divorce. With Children. And all the intense suckiness that tags along with the process. Inevitably, as the conversation evolved, we came to a topic that I have… Continue reading My Loneliness Has a First Name
You know that feeling...the one where you find yourself in a certain place you've been before, and a familiar scent or song or wind hits you and it's like you have been transported to the time you were there before - and all the feelings from that time come rushing back. The present moment suspends and… Continue reading The Current
Change is hard. I mean, no one really likes dealing with change, right? I would say I lie on the extreme end of change resistance, and the last few months have been a very strong testament to this. But there comes a point when you no longer have a choice. While it may not be done gracefully, there… Continue reading A Lesson in Letting Go
And somewhere beneath the chaos, as time goes by and the fog begins to clear, you will discover the gift that was born from the painstaking but faithful decision you made. And when that happens, you can smile, remember what I just told you, and see for yourself...that it is all going to be okay.
And then, I go back to the conversation... one of the most difficult and most important things I will ever do. And suddenly I'm less concerned about all those things spinning in my head, because I'm overcome by the sharp, piercing, radiating pain in my heart.
A couple of weeks ago, my therapist asked me to create a visual in my mind that would capture the feelings and emotions I had been experiencing after sharing my first blog post. "This is big", she said. "This is an important time for you. I want you to be able to remember what it… Continue reading The Vision
Earlier this Spring, I decided to take a break for a few days and join my parents while they were on their annual two week vacation in Mexico. Two important things happened while I was there: My parents told me a story about something I said when I was a toddler that changed my perspective I read… Continue reading Showing Up