The Vision

A couple of weeks ago, my therapist asked me to create a visual in my mind that would capture the feelings and emotions I had been experiencing after sharing my first blog post.

“This is big”, she said. “This is an important time for you. I want you to be able to remember what it felt like when you ‘came alive'”.

“A visual.” I said, clearly confused and also completely turned off by the idea.

“Yes. I want you to create an image in your mind of what this all feels like for you. Then draw it out. I think it’s important for you to have something you can refer back to when you think back on this time in your life.”

“Okay…”. And then I assured her I would, knowing very well that I wasn’t going to. Clearly she had no idea how pathetically inartistic I am. Transfer into words on paper? Sure. Into a picture? Not a chance. I’d have better luck describing what I’m feeling to my 4 year old daughter and then asking her to draw it out on the driveway using sidewalk chalk. But I did see it in my mind, in fact I saw it before she even asked me to create it. It was me standing with nothing but openness in front of me. Perhaps in front of the ocean, but I’m not really sure. The sun was rising, and bright colors were just started to appear on the horizon. And I felt real. Whole. At peace with myself, but also completely exhilarated. There was no way I could get that image from my mind onto paper, so I just decided to hold it where it was. I didn’t share it with anyone.

So a week or two went by.

And then upon arriving at the office yesterday, I discovered a large bag sitting on my chair at my desk. Everyone around me was grinning with anticipation.

“Do you have any meetings to go to right now?”, a dear friend asked.

“Uhh…no. Why?” I asked puzzled.

“Then open it.” She said, grinning from ear to ear while everyone else around grinned and peered inquisitively over their cubes.

I look into the bag, saw it was a canvas painting…and I didn’t even have to pull it out – I knew immediately what it was. It was my visual.

I removed it from the bag and my eyes welled up with tears. Everyone immediately knew how meaningful it was but no one knew what had actually just happened. It was my image – exactly. I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t believe my eyes, but at the same time I really wasn’t that surprised. These things just keep happening all around me. My angels are having a freaking field day.

I went over to my friend and before even thanking her, told her about the conversation with the therapist and how this, THIS was the image I had in my mind. She smiled with disbelief but also a knowing that these kinds of things happen. She gets it. She felt so connected to what I was going through and how I was feeling that she went out on a limb and painted it for me. I am so incredibly grateful, and this will hang in my home, wherever that may be, for the rest of my life… as a gentle but present reminder of the time I came alive.

IMG_6630“Trail Blazer” by Jamie Kaspszak

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